College and the Future

Lean on me Always Daniel

Well.....  last night I attended a very excellent seminar at Newtown High School entitled "How to Fund College" ....   Sarah is a Junior, and I have to learn all that I can now.  I started envisioning her, walking around a campus, laughing with friends, sitting in lecture halls, studying in a library, and even working...  and I know that my daughter is going to find her place in this world.

And then I thought of Daniel.  Daniel would have been a FRESHMAN this year. And yet he is on a different path isn't he.  He is with us...  just always.  He won't graduate from anything, drive a car, get a job, or get married.  As a man, he will be with us.  And I wouldn't want it any other way.  But the "what ifs" of the future are puzzles that just can't be solved right now.   My sweet boy, who needs me for 100% of his survival...  is not a part of any "plan"....   I am lucky each day that he wakes up, and has a good day health wise.

This is where being the parent of a disabled child really warps reality.  The love they teach goes beyond what you can ever envision when you first learn their diagnosis and the shock sets in.  The journey is riddled with trauma and tribulations...  struggles and sacrifices...fear, confusion, decisions, and so much pain.   And yet when triumph over comes, and healing begins after surgeries, or bankruptcies, or whatever happens...  there is a sense of enormous satisfaction that fuels the resolution to be stronger and even more prepared next time.

Because there will be a next time.

College.  I know we will make it happen somehow.   But for Daniel...  we can not even plan past tomorrow.

And life doesn't care.

Sarah Rose Hasselberger my bright shining inspiration