Coffee in my favorite Florida chair

In a white soft leather recliner, that swivels 360 degrees, I'm sitting with my feet up looking out a window at Florida.   Daniel is sleeping in a crazy but happy position in the bed I just got up from. When we travel one of the biggest challenges is where do you put a 16 year old disabled child to sleep.  Gone are the the days of bed rails and  pack and plays.  Usually he sleeps right up next to me.  Because he wants to cuddle up and be close.  Daddy is on a trundle bed at the other side of the room. It's like a camp.  The other kids get to have their own rooms and that's ok.  They are getting older now and need their privacy.

 It never ceases to put a numbing surreal feeling in my brain when I try to envision my future.  It includes the three of us, in this camp, or some other camp, so that I can take care of Daniel.  A far cry from the happy retirees I see down here in Florida enjoying their grandchildren, or just strolling hand in hand down the beach.   Our nest will always include the one baby bird who has no wings.

Florida has become, to me, a place of obsession.  I love the weather, the air, the water, the people.  Handicap spots are plentiful, and people are patient.  Beaches now offer beach wheelchairs, so Daniel can go take a walk down the beach, or just get right up to the warm water of the Gulf of Mexico.  The roads are lined with palm trees and the homes are very solid structures full of ceiling fans, tile, and Florida flare.  Sarah and I walked down to the beach with Daniel last night, I'd say it was about two blocks from this condo we are in.  He smiled and looked with fascination at everything he saw.  It is a far cry from Sandy Hook, CT where we can not walk safely on our own road.  

Coffee tastes better for some reason when I am rocking in this chair looking at some species of palm tree that has grown about 5 feet taller in the 6 or 7 years we have been bring Daniel here to John's cousin's condo.

I don't fear for his health and well being in this place, after all, its Naples Florida. There is a hospital near by, and a doctors office on every corner of some sort.

Sarah and I have been engrossed in episodes of HGTV all week and all I can say is that there isnt a show on that channel that I don't love.  I would just like to see an episode where they have to accommodate for a disabled child.

As my moment of peace is drawing to a close, I will add a few pictures to this post and simply end until later. Daniel has started making his "hey I'm awake in here" sounds, and he needs much care in the morning.  This white leather chair is my very favorite item in this entire condo.  Even if my moments in this place of peace are few, I will say that I thoroughly enjoy them.  Coffee just tastes better in this chair.

Pools and the ADA

Earlier this year I began a search for a place on Cape Cod for us to bring our family.  Now, mind you, the location had to have wheelchair accessibility.
After about 25 calls to resorts and hotels, I found one place called the "Red Jacket Resort" in South Yarmouth that stated they were "wheelchair accessible" and had heated pools.   The manager did call me back and stated, with an uncomfortable tone in his voice that they DID NOT have pool lifts in order to get a child into the pool.  This is supposed to be a family friendly resort.

We decided to go anyways, because John can still carry Daniel into the pool and we figured it was only for a few days.   But Daniel is fast growing heavier, at age 14, and soon we will require pool lifts in order to get him into the water.

The pools may have been heated, but they felt cold....and Daniel shivered like crazy.  The resort had absolutely no wheelchair access to its beautiful beach..and all Daniel could do was watch from a distance.

We enjoyed ourselves, but found the Cape was not a friendly destination for children in wheelchairs.  I just came across an article which really tripped my anger at the fact that every place I called on the Cape DID NOT HAVE PROPER ACCESSIBILITY FOR DISABLED AND/OR WHEELCHAIR BOUND people.

From Parenting Magazine.....

It’s the kind of news that seriously ticks you off when you have a child with special needs, but it’s the kind of news that should perturb anyone with a heart.

By March 15, hotels and city recreation centers with public pools and spas were supposed to install or order permanent lifts, or get pool ramps, to make them accessible to kids and adults with special needs; the lifts alow them to transfer from wheelchairs into the water. This accessibility is in compliance with the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). The deadline got extended by two months as the hotel industry and Congressional reps resisted. And now, hotels and places with public pools have until January 31, 2013 to comply.This means we’re headed into one more summer that countless kids and adults around the country won’t be able to use their local pools. One more summer when parents will struggle to carry their child with disabilities into the pool because there is no other way, or give up and not go at all.

According to an article in the Los Angeles Times, pool manufacturers say the law applies to about 256,000 pools and spas around the country; only a small percentage, they estimate, are equipped with lifts. Even more mind-boggling is the resistance the accessibility legislation triggered. The American Hotel & Lodging Association urged members to push for a delay in enforcing the ADA at pools. Meanwhile, on March 14 South Carolina Republican Senators Jim DeMint and Lindsey Graham introduced a bill to inherently prevent the ADA from being enforced at public pools and spas. On March 16, Rep. David Schweikert (R-AZ) backed a similar bill.

What were they thinking? Well, as DeMint explained it, the enforcement of accessibility “could lead to increased litigation and heavy fines that could force pools to close or raise fees on families.” His proposal: “Pools with public access should have the flexibility to work directly with people with disabilities to accommodate their needs.”

I’d like to see Senator DeMint stand in front of a child with disabilities and tell him that, sorry, he can’t use his local pool because of concerns about lawsuits.

Of course, it’s important that hotels and rec centers get the right accessibility equipment and have a general plan in place before they comply. But how is it even possible there are any places left that haven’t gotten around to doing this, let alone major hotel chains? As for the hotel industry’s concernthat permanent lifts could pose a safety hazard to children tempted to play with them, the fact is, pools are generally dangerous places for kids. Which is why you are not supposed to leave them unattended.

Surely hotels could figure out a way to make sure kids don’t use permanent lifts as pool jungle gyms. Surely hotels should get a grip and realize that kids and adults with disabilities deserves fair access to its amenities. Swimming is not a luxury; every child and adult deserves the right to enjoy this summer pleasure."

Thankfully our town pool has a lift, its antiquated and manual...but at least they are trying.  Daniel loves to swim more than any other activity.  Resorts and Hotels should be ashamed of themselves if they have not yet complied to this law.

Thats just how I feel.

Rolling Into Summer...Blog entry July 8, 2012

Summer...  July 8, 2012  My Blog for Today.....

Today is Sunday, July 8, 2012.  It's been a hot summer so far...pretty much everywhere I imagine. We were blessed to have the chance to escape to Cape Cod (South Yarmouth) where we stayed at the Red Jacket Resort.  I chose that place, even though it was ALOT out of my budget because it had wheelchair accessibility, close to the ocean, and enough room to care for Daniel while also providing a nice place for Sarah and Thomas.


Thankfully, we returned on June 30 healthy and without any "events" such as vomitting, seizures, fevers, or periods of handbiting and crying.

Daniel resting after a good swim with Mom and Dad

Now comes the task of dealing with real life again for the rest of the summer.  Who doesn't like escaping "real life" for a while.  Real life is the equivalent of worries about Daniel's scoliosis which is worsening, worries about his bones which are demineralized, worries about where the road is taking us next with him.  He had tests done this week, and saw his gastroenterologist...and we are waiting for tests results which will go to the surgeon and the endocrinology team (bone doctors!) for some direction as to our next step.


Yesterday, Daniel cried ALOT and was hand biting.  Looks of pain periodically on his face, and if it trends, I will have to do my due diligence to find out how to help him.

Enjoyed so much the ocean breeze on his face while we took walks. Priceless smiles.

Real life is coping with a house that is falling apart, cars that are on the brink of failure,  a fat folder full of issues to resolve/research/study/call about, continue job searching (which has been SO FRUSTRATING), and pray that somehow some miracle will happen that will put us in a better place financially.  Isn't that always real life.  For so many people....  I know.   But the hard part is raising this child who has so many medical risks and medical problems...and also try to care for Thomas and Sarah.  OH MY GOD...Sarah is going to college next year.

Thomas, Daniel and Sarah

I wake up in anxiety, pray for faith and calm...  and go through my daily routine.    


Back in June I went for an interview at Danbury hospital!  It was GREAT.... for a Patient Access Liaison.... part time.  I had a very good interview, passed all the computer tests, and was told I would have a second interview the first week of July.  I thought, finally...  something to be flexible around the nursing schedule that pays well...  WELL...  that died when I got the canned rejection letter via email on July 3.   Ugh.   I have so many qualifications, an MBA, years of excellent work experience...  but yet everything I attempt hits a wall.  So I have a ten second funeral, and keep on trying.  


All the while, always worrying about Daniel...always managing his medical needs, always worrying about the bills, and daily having that prayer and self talk about BE POSITIVE JULIE, FIND A PLACE WHERE FAITH COMES FIRST, TRUST IN THE LORD.    And...it works, I feel better, and I keep on going going going.

Watching his brother ride a go Kart...probably wishing he could ride too

I know in my heart, somehow, that a miracle will somehow happen.  Someday.  Perhaps it will be a breakthrough in health for Daniel, or perhaps it will be a good job offer for me, or perhaps it will be a wonderful financial gain to support us as we deal with this challenge.  


Like a track and field athlete, we just keep hurdling, vaulting, and continuing to run the marathon. Wondering when the time for rest will finally come.  Believing that all of this is happening for a reason.    Believing, praying, focusing and living with so many unmet needs.

He watches and studies everything around him.  He can not speak, but he uses his eyes to learn about his world.

You can clearly see the leaning from the Scoliosis in this picture. This becomes painful for him.

Getting upset... needed diaper change!

Exhausted, He snuggles in his favorite position...

What really matters most at the end of the day????

Three amazing children

Sarah is incredible... she manages her time (with some degree of anxiety) but her CAP tests were well into the advanced category across the board. She is in advanced classes and also goes to a magnet school for Performing arts AFTER regular highschool....its free for us, and counts as electives. She dances and sings...and loves doing shows...

Thomas is 10 and has just started 5th grade. Loves people...he sports a very well know "mohawk" haircut.  He just started football this year and it is changing his life...  he loves it.  Very sweet and compassionate kid...Also extremely smart.   Doesn't do homework that well...  unless pushed...but that's ok. No one is perfect.

Daniel is 13 soon to be 14.  He is in a special education class called STARR.  He is with a nurse 100% of the time at school because he is g tube fed around the clock.  Daniel has many challenges.  Currently I am trying to figure out how I can still be the primary care giver for him...and afford to stay here.  He is sweet, and gentle and loves to watch things above him...like trees, ceiling fans, lights...    He needs so much...but asks for nothing and smiles at you with gentle peace.

I have three amazing children.