Why I am a liberal and democrats send me mail

Wow. Suddenly... in my mail... NON STOP mail, articles, and information from the DNC and other democratic organizations. I don't even mind at all. Of all the bad that has happened, in my opinion, the one pretty interesting thing is the amount of democrats working hard to be much more a part of the process, more astute, more supportive, and it feels like people really care. I think it started with the letter I wrote during the campaign, about my son, and the disabled, wrote a letter to both parties. Only one ever returned the letter. And yes I am a registered democrat, but I have not always voted on the party line. Although my life has shown me that I am a far more liberal thinker. Because I was tossed head first from "conservative" into "what the effffff am I gonna do" and then I was basically sexually harassed at my job, and then fired because my son had disabilities that were just driving claims up way too high for my employer. And when you have to figure out alternative ways of living... just like when people with disabilities have to develop new ways of living life... all the "old rules in the box" just don't tend to apply any more.

I am a dreamer. I am altruistic to a fault. I believe that love matters and is the most powerful force in the universe. I believe that our planet is not ours to destroy. I believe that truth and justice, ethics and morality do matter. I believe that people should have a right to love who they want to love. I believe that disabled children deserve an education just like all typical children. I don't know the solution to the extensive and complex cost of health care, and I don't think its something that is going to be simple to solve... but supporting a child like my son, or worse, costs millions over a lifetime. If they take away medicaid and medicare people like my son, will suffer or even die.

I don't believe in walls. The billions they are spending to build a physical wall, should be spent on programs and job creation, and I don't think a physical wall is going to accomplish anything more that more division and more hate. Do immigrants need to come legally, yes..I believe so...but by the time our money pays for this wall, someone else will probably come along and stop funding it. I cherish the globalization of our nations, and the incredible diversity that we are so blessed to have. My first love of my life was a black guy... as we said it back in 1980, and I was punished, made fun of, and forbidden to see him. Then... I just did not understand... he was such a great guy, we got along so well... and that was all that mattered. Even teachers gave me a hard time. We were told not to see each other. We did anyways, of course, because I was always rebellious, to some degree. But I was also bullied after that and for years... I hate to see our world sliding backwards. And that's how it feels.

I pray every day that peace will prevail, and that somehow, someway the negative fear mongering, nuclear thoughts that are filling every one's minds... will be replaced with progress towards peace, not hate. More jobs won't equate to... alienating the world, and eliminating the EPA. Our children should be able to travel and study the world... work globally...without threat. That is what I pray for.

I believe that Jesus Christ is my savior. That it is up to me to have a personal relationship with Him. That it is NOT about what deeds you do, but about how He lives in you. And with you. Because if you have a true spiritual connection with Christ, He will guide you. I don't believe that the way to God is through deeds, I believe that God in our hearts will use us as his vehicle... We all have unique gifts and talents... To hardcore conservatives, who preach right and wrong because they study and interpret the bible one way, those folks probably think I am wrong. But I am just sharing my own personal experience with my Savior. I personally accepted him into my heart and my life. And that relationship is my own spiritual experience. I was baptized by immersion at Walnut Hill Community Church and my life was personally changed forever.

So... the fact that someone is actually interested in my opinion, and my experience, as an MBA Graduate corporate career woman.... tossed out from "that" world, because of a little boy who needed me... and still struggling to survive... would matter. I had a dream once, it was to keep rising the corporate ladder, make lots of money, invest lots of money, educate my kids, give them security, and retire with my husband in a place where I can sit on a beach. THAT plan is gone. Forever. But somehow... we just a bit more compassionate, a bit more aware of pain, of suffering, of life without a voice, life without eating food, life without ever walking... life... with cancer, more children funerals than adults. Not having enough cash to get groceries sometimes, but creatively keeping heads up. Walking through my rich town, knowing that I have a fundraiser, and not feeling ashamed.

Did I go crazy somewhere along the way? The disabled, the struggling, the people in pain, people dying, watching loved ones die, depressed, sick lonely.... poor. Everyone has a story. Everyone matters. Whether they are gay or straight, black or white, Christian or Muslim or Jewish or Atheist.... we are all humanity. Somewhere... along the way, the corporate world said "fuck you" to me. And I couldn't fight back, because I was too busy being a special needs Mom. And I feared for my family, because I worked SO HARD to get to that income level... and then it was gone. But... we are fighters. Liberal thinkers, try new things, embrace technology, kind of thinkers. That's not so bad. And the journey.... it continues.

Embrace who you are. (all this from mail from the democrats.. lol)

Julie Hasselberger

February 13, 2017

Our NY Jets Adventure, Thank You Marc Pintel!!!!!

Marc Pintel was a Hasselberger for a day!!!

This September we had a special event happen to our family.  Marc Pintel, along with the Pintel Family Cancer Support Services provided tickets to the Jets Game on September 28, 2014 at Metlife Stadium.  They purchased tickets for all five of us, and Marc worked extremely hard to make sure that the seats were all together in the wheelchair accessible area with access to the Lexus Clubhouse.  It was very generous of them to provide access to this event for our entire family.  Daniel Hasselberger is a 16 year old severely disabled and medically fragile young man.  He was born with a devastating brain deformity called Polymicrogyria.  Daniel's strongest ability is his acute vision and awareness of sights and sounds around him.  He suffers from seizures, respiratory problems, stomach problems, can not speak, walk, and is fed by g tube only.  He does however, have the most beautiful smile.  So seeing that smile is like seeing the biggest and brightest star.  His prognosis is unknown.

MARC PINTEL AND DANIEL HASSELBERGER

Marc Pintel also had a special sweatsuit made by Ursula, from Party planners.  She didn't charge him for it, which was very kind of her.  The sweat suit he wore had "Daniel's Number 1 fan" on the front and on the leg of the pants.  On the back of his sweatshirt read "the Hasselberger Fund Rules".  Marc took great pride wearing the sweat shirt and sweat pants at the game.  It was very kind of Ursula to do this for Marc so he could represent Daniel and what he had done for our family.  He was a "Hasselberger for the Day" on Sunday September 28th, even giving up an entire day he could have been spending with his son Spencer to spend it with the Hasselberger Family.

Additionally, prior to the game, Marc contact the NY Jets and asked them to send something special to Daniel.  They sent him an autographed football, signed by #27 Dee Miliner.  The Jets don't send out personalized footballs to everyone, so this was very special.  We are going to put up a display case for this football and the many other nice things Daniel received at the game.

So we owe a very special thanks to Marc Pintel and the Pintel family, the New York Jets organization, Ursula from Party planners who made Marc's outfit, and everyone at Metlife Stadium as well who really went out of their way to help us.

Marc Pintel was extremely kind to provide this great experience to our entire family.  We can't thank him enough, the Hasselberger Family enjoyed a beautiful day at the stadium, and the access to the Lexus Clubhouse made it very easy to care for Daniel.   It was a wonderful day.   Marc is a wonderful guy who wants to make the world a better place and wants to be inspiration to others.

**************************************************************************

The Day of the Jets Game, September 28, 2014, by Julie, Daniel's Mom......

I had spent the prior evening preparing and planning what we would need for Daniel.  Daniel is 100% G Tube fed, and has medication needs through out the day.  He needs regular medication, and medication for nausea, anxiety, and seizures.  I woke up at 5:30AM, and took a very quick shower, got Daniel's diaper changed, got him dressed (WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY GREEN CLOTHES OR JETS CLOTHES).  Prepared his feeding pump and packed up two enormous bags of supplies for the day.  John figured out our driving directions and filled a cooler with drinks.

John, Thomas, Daniel and I left our house in Sandy Hook, CT at 7:00AM.  We drove on this beautiful sunny Fall day out to Staten Island, NY to Wagner College to pick up Sarah, who we had not seen since August.  I wanted to cry when I saw her come out of the lobby and walk across the bridge.  Sarah is 18, almost 19, and studying Arts Administration.  We are so proud of her.

Once we had picked up Sarah, we were all together as a family, and my heart felt so happy.  I separated my brain from all of the worries that were eating away at me, and chose to have a special time with my children.   Readers, you have to understand, life with a severely medically fragile child pretty much prevents us from doing things together.  It is very RARE that the 5 of us get to go and do something FUN, together.  Very RARE indeed.   While John works very hard to provide for the family, I work very hard managing a complicated child and a complicated mess of financial pressure.  I try to work when I can, but its never enough.  Caring for a disabled child puts pressures on a family that far exceed the number of words I can paint on this canvas.  So lets focus back on the sunny day of our NY Jets adventure....

We arrived at MetLife Stadium, and immediately the excellent customer service started.  The parking lot guy made sure we went right to the best Handicap spot available.  We have an over sized Ford E250 Conversion van and it is difficult to park sometimes.  I need to have the van close in case Daniel has seizure, illness, etc and we need to get him out.  I laid Daniel out in the van, and changed his diaper, and made sure he was all set to go in.   John said we looked like dogs in a sea of cats.  We did not have any green on!!!  Being from Sandy Hook, you think we would have.    But we definitely didn't have any Jets clothing.  I wish we did, everyone looked like they were having so much fun.  People actually tailgate, cook meals, have fun, in the parking lot.  That really happens!!! I've only seen it on TV.

When we proceeded to enter the stadium area, a very nice man in a suit, I wish I got his name, came up and led us personally through the gate and help get our things properly checked.  Everyone was so friendly, and so helpful.  The sun was very bright and it was 80 degrees with a simply perfect clear blue sky.  What a blessing to be having fun on such a gorgeous day.    John and Thomas played the "toss the football" game outside of the stadium and of course John my "Mr. Athletic" got the Ball through the hoop and won a prize.  Thomas and John got to take a selfie, but I'm not sure where that picture went.

About that time I received a text message from my friend, Marc Pintel, who had made ALL of this possible for us, that he was arriving at the stadium.  We went in and upstairs to the Lexus Clubhouse area.  That place was awesome!!  To be able to sit inside and see the stadium outside, so cool.  They had TV screens everywhere.  Honestly, we felt very humbled to be there, it was way more luxurious than I thought it would be.   We found where our seats were and we all just stood there mesmerized by the stadium.  We had never experienced a stadium before like that.   I took Daniel and the kids and went to look for Marc, I found him eating his lunch wearing his "Daniel's #1 Fan" outfit. He looked great!!  I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something about him looked different.  Later I found out he had lost 37 pounds and looked terrific.  I was too mesmerized by the sweat suit Ursula from Party Planners had made for him to wear.  So sweet.

The kids got to play some games and win prizes in the Lexus clubhouse. Daniel even got his picture taken with a couple of pretty cheerleaders. They got pins, headbands, gifts from spinning the wheel, etc. That was fun.

The game started at 1 and we were all very excited.  Actress and singer Jesse James Decker sang the national anthem, and it gave me chills.   The Jets were playing the Detroit Lions.  Thomas and Sarah were watching the game intently, as was John.  Daniel was looking all around, way up high mostly.  But he wasn't his normal giddy happy self.  He had a stomach ache, and twice that day I had to bring him to the family restroom where I could lock the door, put him on the floor and clean and change him.  That was very difficult, and probably the only time during the day that I actually cried.    Some things are just never easy no matter where I go.  Changing a terrible poop diaper on a 16 year old is one of the difficulties that most people don't realize special needs moms go through.  Sigh.  It was rough, and I made the entire area smell so bad that a cleaning person came right in after us each time we went in.  Made me feel like a jerk, but what else am I supposed to do?  Oh well.

The seats we had were in the shade, so we had no worries about sun.  We had $6.00 cokes and $5.00 waters, and after buying lunch I had no money left to buy the kids a souvenir t shirt... but they understood completely.  Three cheeseburgers and fries, $75.00.  John had wanted to put together a tailgate picnic, I should have listened to him!!!  But it was something we would never get to do again.

The Jets lost the game, sadly, 17 to 24.  But it was a great experience.   Why was it great for Daniel? Not because he is able to understand the game, but because the sensory feeling of the roar of the crowd, the music, the lights, and even some fireworks when a touch down was scored really entranced him.    I never quite know how Daniel is going to react to things, but he seemed very happy.

This Hasselberger family has been through hell and back repeatedly for 16 years.  We have daily challenges that push me to the brink of sanity.  I don't sleep nights, and Daniel's medical care is astronomical.  John and I love each other very much, but the stress can eat away at even the best of relationships.  We are coming up on our 22nd wedding anniversary October 3rd!!    But where I am going here is, we seldom do anything as luxurious as a Football game at MetLife Stadium.   The kids were so excited, as if we were going to a theme park!   Just being together, makes us happy.  Having Daniel in our life has taught us that family is so important.   When we get together, and there isn't financial stress, or medical stress, or anxiety stress, or stress stress....  we get a chance to let our guards down a little bit, and laugh.   That is the true gift.

So we had a beautiful gift of watching a football game at Metlife Stadium.  It was  a day where everyone was in good health, and a trip that seemed overwhelming, really wasn't.

Marc Pintel left the game a little bit early, so we took some group pictures and said our goodbyes. We left the Stadium about 4:00pm.  Sarah was returned safely to her campus by 5:00pm and we hugged and kissed good bye.  Then we drove back home from New York City to Sandy Hook,CT, picked up Henry the dog from Grandma and Poppa and went back to our life.

Our NY Jets adventure was a success.   It is all because of Marc Pintel, and his wish to give the family a day of FUN.

Thank you to Marc Pintel, the Pintel family, the NY Jets, Ursula of Party Planners, and everyone who made this day a reality for us.  There is no measure to the amount of gratitude we have for just a little relief and fun for a day.

Much love,

The Hasselberger Family:  John, Julie, Sarah, Daniel, and Thomas

Coffee in my favorite Florida chair

In a white soft leather recliner, that swivels 360 degrees, I'm sitting with my feet up looking out a window at Florida.   Daniel is sleeping in a crazy but happy position in the bed I just got up from. When we travel one of the biggest challenges is where do you put a 16 year old disabled child to sleep.  Gone are the the days of bed rails and  pack and plays.  Usually he sleeps right up next to me.  Because he wants to cuddle up and be close.  Daddy is on a trundle bed at the other side of the room. It's like a camp.  The other kids get to have their own rooms and that's ok.  They are getting older now and need their privacy.

 It never ceases to put a numbing surreal feeling in my brain when I try to envision my future.  It includes the three of us, in this camp, or some other camp, so that I can take care of Daniel.  A far cry from the happy retirees I see down here in Florida enjoying their grandchildren, or just strolling hand in hand down the beach.   Our nest will always include the one baby bird who has no wings.

Florida has become, to me, a place of obsession.  I love the weather, the air, the water, the people.  Handicap spots are plentiful, and people are patient.  Beaches now offer beach wheelchairs, so Daniel can go take a walk down the beach, or just get right up to the warm water of the Gulf of Mexico.  The roads are lined with palm trees and the homes are very solid structures full of ceiling fans, tile, and Florida flare.  Sarah and I walked down to the beach with Daniel last night, I'd say it was about two blocks from this condo we are in.  He smiled and looked with fascination at everything he saw.  It is a far cry from Sandy Hook, CT where we can not walk safely on our own road.  

Coffee tastes better for some reason when I am rocking in this chair looking at some species of palm tree that has grown about 5 feet taller in the 6 or 7 years we have been bring Daniel here to John's cousin's condo.

I don't fear for his health and well being in this place, after all, its Naples Florida. There is a hospital near by, and a doctors office on every corner of some sort.

Sarah and I have been engrossed in episodes of HGTV all week and all I can say is that there isnt a show on that channel that I don't love.  I would just like to see an episode where they have to accommodate for a disabled child.

As my moment of peace is drawing to a close, I will add a few pictures to this post and simply end until later. Daniel has started making his "hey I'm awake in here" sounds, and he needs much care in the morning.  This white leather chair is my very favorite item in this entire condo.  Even if my moments in this place of peace are few, I will say that I thoroughly enjoy them.  Coffee just tastes better in this chair.

Sunsets are beautiful, even from a hospital room

This is my blog.  This is my world that I write about. I am Julie Hasselberger.  Daniel's Mom.  Today is April 2, 2014 if you can believe that!  Honestly, I couldn't be more thrilled to see this past winter get lost. It was awful. All winter I raved about how well Daniel was. His strength was so impressive and not even the slightest cough or runny nose.  Daniel started new, and more aggressive physical therapy at a great place called Summit Rehab.  The past year and three months since his spinal surgery/pancreatitis has been completely without incident, illness wise.  Perhaps there was a slight seizure, but his brain is a wacky mess of electric inconsistencies, so thank God for the seizure meds.


Daniel recovering from pneumonia 4/2/2014

Today, Mom (me), renders me watching him sleep from this hospital room at Yale New Haven Childrens Hospital.  This story goes something like this. Had a great day Saturday.  Sunday morning he was retching, gagging, and trying to vomit. If you know anything about the gastroenterology world, Daniel has had a procedure called a Nissen Fundoplication. The Nissen actually prevents vomiting and reflux, with the intent of saving him from aspirating his own body fluids.  But when he feels sick and wants to vomit, he can't without tremendous force.   OK.  All day Sunday March 30, 2014 he retched and gagged.  He started running a fever.  He wasn't tolerating feeds, not even a drip of pedialyte, so long story short I called GI. And first thing in the morning on Monday headed down route 34 in wet slippery snowy slush to the Yale ED. 

Spent the entire day in the ED at Yale.  Had two visits from a lovely therapy dog named Jerry.  There is something wonderful about seeing a large furry friend in the middle of an institutionalized setting.   Especially when you are sitting in a room from 10:30 am until 5:30pm, just waiting.

Therapy Dog at work in the ED



Jerry the therapy dog at Yale

The Special needs Mom lesson for today is, you can not live in a world of complacency when you have a child like Daniel.  Viruses happen.  Aspiration happens.  When the good times come, like the long wonderful periods of great health, grab that boy and hug him like there will be no tomorrow. 

Dogs bring love. No matter where you are.




Raising a disabled child is a completely different journey that most people in "normal" families can ever imagine.  Every step, of every human life journey is unique.  But these special children bring challenges and changes that can destroy a person, or build a stronger soul.



Arriving at the ED....sick

Miserable guy

Non-verbal children try so hard to communicate with you in whatever responsive way they can.  For Daniel it is eyes, facial expressions, touch, crying, biting. 
  Cozy in a hospital bed





Trying to communicate with Dad through touch

 

 

The sunset is remarkable sometimes, no matter where you are.  This sunset on April 1, 2014 was spectacular from the 7th floor of Yale New Haven Childrens Hospital.  What a beautiful gift.

 

It feels as though the world has slowed down, or even stopped "paying it forward", or "being kind", please don't let it stop.  There are many people hurting, needing, and alone.  I will end this post by saying that I've been wondering for 3 days what is wrong with the tiny baby in the room next door that just cries and cries. 

 

Be blessed friends.  And now I go back to being "hospital room Mom" .  I will try to increase my blog posts.  Life sucks me out of all the things I enjoy. But I find my way back to them.

 

Julie Hasselberger  4/2/2014

Daniel Summit Rehab feb 27

Special Needs Mom's 2014 Goals and dreams, bumping the track of stress

Yeah, so here it is. HAPPY NEW YEAR. 2014

Time to "start the resolutions"

When is minus 2 degrees outside the air hurts to breathe. I don't dare bring Daniel out because he doesn't regulate well.  So its winter and I get it.  We live in a place that is horrendously expensive and has weather that gets too cold to function in.  I wonder how many days out of the year I keep Daniel in the house to protect him from the elements. Probably alot.

The Holidays are over.  They were remarkably uneventful and relatively normal.  It goes without saying that the out going nature in me misses going to Christmas parties, out for dinners, and just doing fun things.  The big event was a trip with the kids to see Frozen.  Daniel really deserved to get out of the house and it was New Years Day.  That trip cost me $47 plus another $20. for food and that was WITH a free coupon for popcorn.   It is incredible to me to that many people go to the movies all the time.  Now, I LOVE movies, but have to watch them when they come to cable.  It's cool.  I almost never can get away anyhow.

Keys are falling off.

Crashes all the time

The holidays are usually a struggle and half ($$$).  This year we managed to get the kids a couple of things that they really wanted, but not everything.  It seemed like they were happy and satisfied and grateful.  Then there was the mysterious IPAD that was shipped anonymously by one of Santa's Elves to Daniel right before Christmas. The person sent it anonymously.   He loves it, and uses it for hours and hours.  The pay it forward, "acts of Kindness" runs rampant in this area.  I am so grateful for that gift for him, because there is no way we could afford one.  In fact, my laptop is an 9 year old Dell Inspiron that is slowly dying.  My dream lap top is a MAC book, because I would really like write more, and publish more videos.  My new years resolution is to become better at video blogging and making interesting videos.  However, it is virtually impossible on this old clunker.  My laptop is missing the R key.  What I type, I have to press ten times hard where the R used to be and it works.

Live to dream

I'm dreaming of a MacBook

Live to Dream

I don't know what to say about my goals and dreams.  I have them. Such as the big one, enroll in an RN accelerated program, start working out at a gym again, write down more information and ideas about how to take better care of Daniel, become a better wife and mother, get healthy,  and get myself a new lap top, and a new sophisticated video camera.   And I have already started the number one goal, which is to get my butt to church more often and make Christmas bigger than just the holiday.

So it sounds like its feasible yes?  It would all be perfect and I could be happier and healthier.  My kids especially Daniel would have a better life because I could provide more. I would have self satisfaction and self esteem improvement.  I would develop a new career that I love which would be flexible, that I could take with me to Florida someday. (SOMEDAY I DREAM)   I would look better.  I would sleep better.  I would have technology at my fingertips and it would allow me to do so much more for my family and for others.   So one of the biggest prayers I have, is asking God how can I get to this place when I don't have a

penny to my name.  The financial pressure and stress sucks my cash, and my energy. I have an insurance license for property and casualty but I completely dislike selling insurance.  I'm sick most of the time.  I am at least 70 pounds overweight.  The gym cost too much money.  Walking is ridiculously out of the question on a consistent basis. (um minus 2???)    I have zero credit because we are still dealing with serious issues from past debt and medical bills.  My cars are falling to pieces, well, mostly the Windstar.

This, my friends, is just an example.  Have a goal, hit a wall.  Have a dream? Feel it die. Want to progress? It all cost money.  But the real hard part is Daniel.  Daniel could be enrolled in swimming programs and be stronger. If I could afford it.  Daniel would have better therapy, and would go to external programs that would help him stand better, get stronger, move more.  Daniel would have more technology and more time for learning.  Daniel would be 100 times more advanced than he is, if I just had the time and money and health.   I look at him sometimes and I feel sick to my stomach because he has so much potential to do SO MUCH more and I just can't get to that point.

I DONT KNOW HOW TO CARRY DANIEL ACROSS THE GAP!!!!

People let me tell you something, it is not a cliche or a robotic repetitive whine when I tell you that I want so much for my family, my children, my life, my marriage, my community, my world.  But raising a human being who is 100% reliant on you for their complete life and needs, is a BIG DEAL.

All of the things I dream for.  Wish for. Try to plan for. Fall tragically by the wayside because the resources are so lacking.  Just paying the basic life expenses is rough.  You want to stay in your house? Well, yes, I do because the schools are outstanding for Thomas, and Daniel is still a part of the schools, and we couldn't sell it if we wanted to anyhow.  Plus it is modified for accessibility, partly.

Hear me. Please.  I have goals that to many would simply be the swipe of a credit card, done.  The writing of a check, there you go.  But I am stuck in a perpetual rythym of stress that prevents any of the next steps from progressing.  It's about money.  It's about health.  It's about exhaustion from trying.

My blood pressure is high now, and I am on a pile of medications for "stuff".  It's ridiculous because our medical costs are rising for Daniel, and for Julie.  It could be the other way around.  Yes.  A laptop, the mortgage, a reliable car, a new education, a commitment to health, and I will say, etc.   Yes my world would flip upside down if I could break the cycle.

But how do I do that?  How?  SuperMom only has so many waking hours.  Every penny is needed just to feed us and keep us warm.   How do I grab those dreams and push forward for my son.  FOR MY SON, when I can't even get credit enough, or a loan, or a job.   I rattle and shake myself trying to figure it out.  They say "you are doing such a great job taking care of Daniel Julie."  Thank you, I say.  But in my head I think NO.  NO I'M NOT. His hamstrings are tight, he needs to be in water, he needs to do more, see more, learn more.  There are thousands of things I could be doing for him.

And all I can do, is take a nap, and pray that my debit card works because I need to pick up prescriptions.  Perhaps there is a helping force out there that could bump me onto the track of my dreams and goals.  I was there once in my life.  Bump me into a place where things are possible, and my enthusiasm and hope returns. Perhaps in a Dr. Suess kind of world I would find someone to lift my dust spec up and save me.

It's minus 2.  My laptop just crashed twice.  My pointer finger hurts from hitting that R key.  I have stress because of the above mentioned things and I am going to spend the next hour trying to destress and get my blood pressure down.   Sigh.  Where is my bump to my dreams?

Daniels Finger Print Tree