Father's Day and Swimming

Daniel has been doing well...  so far no illness or setbacks in our quest to quench his weak bones with phosphorus and calcium supplementation.  He will have blood work at the end of this week to see how much  progress has been made....and the surgeon for the scoliosis surgery will consult with the bone doctor (endocrinologist) to see when surgery will be possible.

Still having alot of doctors appointments, and dentist appointments and normal daily life.  Dealing with insurance, and equipment suppliers, and wheelchair repairs, and lift van repairs, and medications (oh my Gosh so many prescriptions) ...  its a jumble of non stop multi-tasking.  

Throw into this salad of life....  managing the life of a soon to be senior in highschool and a soon to be 6th grader...a house, and trying desperately to earn money with whatever spare part time work I can find.  Its a recipe for insanity.

But one saving grace has been the YMCA of Brookfield. They have a financial scholarship and we have been able to take Daniel to the therapy pool there several times a week to swim.  He loves to swim...his body responds miraculously to the water.  

This is the last week of school here in Newtown, CT... it officially ends this Thursday the 21st.  Then what?

Mommy anxiety is still at all time high...because just when I seriously start considering going back into Human Resources (which is not my desire, but my backgound) they all tell me ..."sorry, even with a masters degree and 15 years experience...you've been out of the workforce for 10 years and we wont even look at you"    Its kind of humbling, because you work so so so hard to become the best and the brightest you can be...and then you have to go away to be a full time Mom to a disabled boy...and BOY with that comes more advocacy and intelligence than ever.  But they won't even talk to you.  WHAT IS THAT!!!!!

So I  keep on going... taking care of these kids.  Praying for miracles. Praying for daily strength and good health.  Many blessings are here...we just need to see them.  Here are some pictures from Daniel's swim on Father's Day with John.  Swimming with Daniel is a great joy for us...

ARE YOU LISTENING??

Today I came across a file full of things I have written in the past.  How I got to this one, on this appropriate day of need...and isn't it funny that I need exactly $2100 at this moment...  well...just read...   

Julie Hasselberger

written July 2008

The Amazing Language

Are YOU LISTENING??

For those who are believers it is no coincidence that the car in front of you has a bumper sticker that says “Got Jesus”  Or that when you turn on the radio the song you hear is “you raise me up” by Josh Groban even though that song has not been in the top 40 for a very long time.  Or you pray about a dear friend and suddenly you get an email or a phone call from that person.  That a card in a store will jump out at you with a biblical quote so perfect for your life at that moment.  That you reach into your jewelry box and always pick up your cross first. That a store clerk will notice your “faith” necklace.  That you stop on a Christian channel and actually listen to the message of the pastor.

Sometimes when you look around your life and look for the language of God you will start to see it.  If you believe it is there.  He speaks to you in a language that goes hidden to those who are self absorbed non believers.

Isn’t it amazing that although you don’t have riches to spare, you have a prayer of thanks over a simple meal.

And when you can barely pay your bills, you pray for help and a check for $2100 appears in your mail box.  And when you pray for Jesus to speak to your heart, you step into a tank of water in front of a hundred people to show your love for Jesus.  And he moves your heart to tears.

The language of love. The language of the heart.  When a beautiful Christian song brings you shaking to tears of love…   as opposed to the chitter chatter music of lyrics that mean nothing.

Prayers for the simple ability…. To exit. To be in the moment..  God speaks to us through a bird landing on the deck, through a beautiful sunrise, through our ability to see these things..  and realize that He is all around us.  In us, in our souls and minds.

I see angels, I see messages that make me have hope, I see bumper stickers everywhere that say “Jesus is Real”, “Believe”, “Miracles Happen”…

I hold my disabled child in my arms and I know that He is a child of God…too.  Just like all of us.  That through my faith, my strength, and my soul I can listen to the language that is being spoken to me.

Sometimes our sick world drowns the language…  with non believers, with anger, with stress, with selfish indulgences, and we don’t even realize the trap of the ego.   People who complain, whine, and whimper over their own problems. Worry, despair, loss of faith.  All of these things drown out the language of life.   

Peace… find a really peaceful place..  be grateful..and really look for all the things you are grateful for.  Open your eyes to all that is good, all that is wonderful…  all that is peaceful.  Pray to God to speak to your heart.  Pray for Jesus to teach you how to live. If you believe in some other force of life, pray to that force to help you. But don’t let the evils of self pity pull you away from the wonders that are a gift to you.  Look at how miraculous our world is…and is there a doubt that life is amazing?

I find, that when I find the place of peace.  The language is louder than ever.   I know that I have a place in this world, as a Christian, as a loving part of a purpose driven world.  I believe He speaks to me…and I choose to listen.  Do You.   Do you REALLY LISTEN?  Do you REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY listen.  Stop.  Be completely in the moment.  Let go of ego.  Say to yourself.  I AM.  I simply AM.   All that is within me…is life.   I am a part of the ebb and tide of the life force.  I AM.  Let it go.   Live.  Be alive.

As I write this, I look out my window at a fabulous yellow day lilly growing right outside of my window.  And a bird that has landed near it.  The green of the trees, the colors of my flowers.   And inside, the sounds of my heart…the children I have brought into this world…that I am so grateful for.

And the aches and pains that I felt when I woke up…are replaced with a grace and strength to work through it and trust in the language of God’s love and plan for me. 

Listen.  Listen to life…get beyond your ego…and really listen.  There is still time to change.  Still time to believe.  Still time to heal. Still time to live.

See that?   This morning…  Sarah (12 years old) was watching a touching video about Jesus….and it almost brought me to tears, inspiring me to write this even though I have a million “things” to do.. I chose to sit and write this down.

And it changed the course of my direction this morning,   Because I chose to listen when God speaks.

Do you?   Do you listen?  Let go of your pain, problems, self pity, ego, worries, fears, negativity…   let it go…if even for one moment.   And look for something beautiful that you never noticed before.

That something is probably right in front of your face.   And you now…are listening.  Keep listening.   Keep believing.

July 19, 2008