About 9 years ago I was an up and coming HR Manager with an MBA and a strong desire to learn and implement everything there was about positive change. I love working in the corporate design of succession plans and strategizing with Management over goal accomplishments. I also had an open to door to employees who needed help, had questions, wanted to talk. I worked hard, and I LOVED Human Resources from both the technical side of systems and technology advances to the people side of employee relations and benefits. I even topped off my resume with OSHA consulting and Safety Management within Manufacturing. My salary was great, because I was a positive contributor and never turned away a challenge. Exemplary performance reviews coupled with bonuses that helped keep our family going.
I had dreams of moving up to a VP of HR one day, and always had hoped that somehow I could transition myself away from manufacturing and into medical technology.
There was not an association or program about Human Resources that I wasn't affiliated with. I truly loved it. I still do. I miss it.
But I fell off the planet when my company "downsized" my position and gave my job to another senior level employee. I interviewed diligently and I was flown everywhere, had countless meals and meetings... in 3 cases that year (2003) I was ONE of two finalists. Always beat out because I was the younger of the two and had less global experience.
Now....today....I have been reflecting on the pain of having lost my job. And the pain of realizing that the job search world was a cold hard war..... And that Daniel's needs pulled me into another place in my life. All the while living with a spouse who feels that I "sold OUT" by not going back into a full time HR Role.
I don't think I sold out. I think I realized that all of the education and work can't replace advocacy and the BATTLE which is from a different war. The war of maneuvering the system of special education and disability needs. Not mention being THERE for a sweet little boy who needed his Mom over the span of many years full of surgeries, and doctors visits, and hospitalizations, and tests....etc etc. etc.
But as I sit here today, reflecting, I realize that I could walk into an HR office, and given a little bit of leg room.....pick right up where I left off. But they won't even call me back. So why even keep trying.
The world punishes you for being a dedicated career woman who chose to side track and dedicate herself to her special needs son. A Mom... just trying to give this boy a great quality of life in a catch 22 world that puts a GIANT price tag on the disabled and strips a career Mom of her ability to embrace her years of training.
And I have days like today, where I wonder which way to go. I have a passion for the medical world, and GOD would I love to go back to school for Nursing. There is a place where all of my skills would embellish a new trade. I have not a sqeamish bone in my body and I'm a tough ass when I need to be, but I love people and have passion that spans all kinds of situations.
I have a need to make money....because we can hardly pay the bills, make the mortgage, and our cars are petty decrepit. My daughter is facing college soon, and Daniel needs so much. Keeping our home, and keeping our sanity ride on the same level of importance. And both have been a massive struggle....
So Where Did THE CAREER go...or is it simply in a state of metamorphosis. How can I find my way back into nursing school, and actually be able to afford it... Is it possible for me to make that dream come true, because I do have time for school... and time for flexibility.
I feel like my family needs me to be the best I can be. But I struggle with just exactly how to get there when they also need all of me at the same time.
What do you think? Jhasselberger@snet.net or text me 203 788 9602 Julie
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