Saturday, May 17, 2014

Another drive to Staten Island


Any time I leave Daniel behind with a nurse I have a sick worrisome flurry of nerves in my gut.  But along with managing the life of my 16 year old fragile  child, I also have the responsibility of being Mom to my daughter. And my younger son. 

Funny thing this concept of driving somewhere alone with my husband John.  As 684 stretches out in front of us we sip coffee and discuss the changes to his company health plan. A bright morning sun warming my feet which are up on the dadhboard as if to say, ahhhh. Relax. 

Sarah has just finished her first year of college at Wagner College on Staten Island NYC. Out journey today is to get there, move most of her stuff out and take her out to lunch. She doesn't come home until Friday the 23rd.  

Wasn't it just yesterday we were shopping in Target for her first year siuoplies? Oh the pain and weeping I did when my daughter went to school and left home. Now in a blink she's coming back from college for the summer. Funny how that happens. 

With each exit sign that rolls past I think about Daniel and his recent episodes of oxygen saturation dropping into the 80s. He was in good spirits when I left, but it's a 2-3 hour drive to the Verrazano Bridge. 

There is no way for me to disconnect from  constant concern and worry. Even sipping coffee, chatting in welcoming adult conversation and enjoying a blue sky day I can not get Daniels face out of my mind.  And keep thinking "will he be ok with the nurse until 6:00 tonight.

In some ways we find a tiny bit of balance in our life that allows us to go and move our daughters dorm room stuff home.  In other ways we are parents who live with this undercurrent of fear and concern. 

I'm enjoying this coffee.  I'm trying not to text home until we get to the Hutchinson parkway. 


2 comments:

Brielle and Me: Our Journey said...

Enjoy your trip and know that he's well-taken care of!

Sylvia said...

I know those feelings well, trying to enjoy some respite while always worrying in the back of your mind, or in the front of your mind! I also know what it's like dropping off and picking up kids from college. Praying everything will be fine. Try to enjoy your trip!