Today, as I sit here freezing because my heat doesn't work in my office at home, I am reflecting on the things in my life that suck away joy, and revitalize joy. It has been a hard Fall financially. It always seems to be. I think there is just so much that piles up and needs to be done come September/October/November and I find myself juggling, struggling, and under great stress. That being said, under the greatest of stress and depression comes a life line.
I must say, when I hang my head in tears and then remember to pray to Jesus to hold me up. That is when I begin to turn around and focus. Sometimes its an immediate mood change. Sometimes its a heartwarming email or message from someone who understands and wants to encourage me. Sometimes its just me actually seeing how beautiful my son is and how lucky I am to be his Mom.
Last week, Daniel went in to see the Neurologist for a sleep deprived EEG. He has not been sleeping very well, and I am not sure if there is a change in seizure activity but I suspect it based on his behavior when he wakes at night. It's a scary business, dealing with an epileptic child. I am waiting for the doctor to get back to me.
But, the best event of recent was Saturday, October 26, 2013 when Daniel, Henry, and I journeyed off to Wagner College to visit Sarah. Daniel had never been to her school, and she really missed him and wanted to see him. We put Henry in the vest, and he got to ride around on Daniel's lap like the Man of Honor in a parade. We are quite a spectacle, me, Daniel and Henry. People were just stopping and staring, but I didn't care. Having a service dog is a beautiful thing, and with his vest on, Henry goes everywhere.... he even went to brunch. Sarah was not really interested in the school scheduled activities for parents, so we decided to do our own thing. We found the Staten Island Mall and did things that we just enjoy doing. Daniel was thrilled to be in a Mall...because he loves Malls. Anyhow, it was a great day with my daughter. As I drove home that evening something really cool happened.
I was driving along, bored and kind of sad as I hit traffic in Brooklyn. I scanned the radio and loud and clear was this channel, called "K-LOVE" www.klove.com It is a contemporary Christian Music station. The first song I heard was called "Forgiveness" by Michael West. I felt very lifted. And that radio station, which has never come in clear on my radio stayed loud, crystal clear, and perfect from Brooklyn, all the way to Sandy Hook. It was such an uplifting time because 1) I love Christian contemporary music and 2) the songs that came on....were all so pertinent to what I needed to hear.
The point? you ask... Keep your heart open. Keep your faith. God will speak in many ways to you if you listen and look. Here are the lyrics from that song "Forgiveness" by Michael West.
It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve
It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just to real
It takes everyting you have just to say the word....
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying "Set
it Free"
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, forgiveness
It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees, is you
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy
sees
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
No comments:
Post a Comment