Senior Prom and The Wizard of Oz... Emerald Green....

May 20, 2013

Green.  Everything is green and damp and fresh.  Over the past few weeks Spring popped into life and lawns turned from brown to bright bright green.

It's a strange time of year for me as I watched Sarah get her drivers license and go to Senior Prom all in one week.  She wore a beautiful Green silk dress with Rhinestones around the waist.  Long red hair and blue eyes.  After the pictures as the kids drove off in the bus to the Prom I cried.  But I went from there to Thomas's school that evening.  

Thomas was in the school play the Wizard of Oz.  Playing as the Winkie Guard for the witch.  Green. The Emerald City.  Searching for answers in the emerald city.

Sandy Hook.  Green.  The symbolic color of our beloved Sandy Hook School. The green ribbon magnets are on more cars than not in this town.  And as normal events here for Spring have unfolded so have many many other special events for the town since the tragedy of 12/14.

Green is even the school color of the college Sarah will be going to this Fall. Wagner College, New York City.

Green everything.   

It's just a rough kind of morning though.  Monday and all.  My washing machine is broken now, and I have an incontinent 15 year old boy.  Which means MEGA laundry.  Ugh.  I have to drag it all to the laundry mat.  


I have not been feeling well either.  Of course I need to lose weight. But more than that, the blood pressure is high, my resting heart rate is fast, and my sinuses are incredibly sore.  I sometimes have chills and I'm more often than not extremely fatigued.   When I motivate to exercise I get even more sore from the fibromyalgia and just want to curl up under blankets.

Daniel isn't getting any smaller though.  If I don't get myself into better shape what good will I do him.  It's like I'm in a trap most days, trapped by everything around me that I have to do and trapped by the fact that I don't have freedom to just do whatever I want either.

Daniel had his annual IEP meeting last week.  That's always the headache of the year.  It went fairly well, but I always come out of the meeting wondering and feeling guilty.  Wondering if I am doing enough for Daniel, and knowing that there  is so much more that I probably could be doing.   

Insurance company denied him hand splints last week as well. And I hear that they are denying many more claims now.  If I have to pay for denied medical needs there is no money left over for other things.   I'm scraping, and I'm stressing every day.  
s.

It's the way of the world I guess .  Trying to find my way back to a solid faith and solid positive energy focus, but I'm inherently weaker than I seem.  I need to get to church.

But, for today I just need to go to the laundry mat and get the kids clothes done.  Visiting with my favorite "head" doctor today.  As the depression gets cooking when I think about the changes that are coming when Sarah goes to college.  Green.  Green makes me feel hopeful.  Sarah in that green dress summed up the beautiful red head that she is with glamour and personality.  Thomas helped Dorothy by giving her the broom of the Wicked Witch after she melted her.  Green.  

I wish I had a Glenda the Good Witch

The green ribbons on our cars, symbolizing memory of the 26 angels killed here on 12/14.

How the heck am I going to make it through all of this.    Daniel needs me, Sarah needs me, Thomas needs me.   That is about where I am at right now.