On Friday, January 11, 2013 Daniel was discharged FINALLY and we returned home. It is suffice to say the exhaustion was incredible and I think both Daniel and I slept for 12 hour clips. Adjustment to reality has been a long process. I began to feel like I was engulfed in a post traumatic stress situation. But as the days have gone by, slowly but surely I am starting to feel like myself again.
Daniel started violently vomitting on January 14. It almost prompted a return to the hospital. But he stopped as fast as he started. And I hoped it was just a fluke. His mood has been good, no fevers, so happy and cheerful.
On Saturday, January 18 it happened again. This time worse. An all day event of violent vomitting and diarreah resulting in a near "pack it up" we are going to the ER. But we ran him on clear pedialyte and by Sunday he seemed perfectly ok again. It's insane. You almost wish he would either BE clearly sick, or NOT BE clearly sick. With Daniel its an inbetween grey area that never EVER shows a bit of consistency. That is what makes falling into any kind of a routine basically impossible.
Somehow as I sit here at my desk this morning, I am working through these piles and piles of bills and letters and I know at the end it won't be the prettiest sight. But Sarah's financial aid forms need to be completed on line, which means I need to do my taxes. Now even the accountant does it all on line which makes life so much easier.
I didn't work, well, since back in November. Thursday the 16th I worked 5 hours at the NYA just to check my mental sanity. It was good, but sad. I saw one of the Mom's who had lost a daugther because I made her a protein shake. And I realized that my adjustment is no where near as hard as hers. SO hard to fathom how to keep your spirit up enough to get to the gym, but it is really helpful to keep moving. (I need to take my own advice.)
Today is Martin Luther King Day. Kids are home. I have piles of piles. I have laundry. They are all wanting me to do something for them. But I still need to go to my AllState office where I worked with Jon until Jon passed away the day after Christmas. I am hoping I can still work there with Larry, to help out in any way that I can. I've been so sad about the loss of my friend Jon that it's been hard to get to the office. I'm supposed to be studying for my Property and Casualty license. But after the shooting here in town, I just don't seem to have enough brain diversity to do so many things.
Plus, Daniel's life is very very time consuming and involved. So its all alittle crazy and stressful.
Priorities, are Daniel's recovery and Sarah's college financial aid applications and filing my taxes. Yippee.
Depression sneaks its way into my veins now and then, and I hate when it does because I start to feel like its all just a hopeless mess. But, resilient am I. I learn that from my Daniel. And I will keep trying to do the best I can. I can't work full time, its just not humanly a reality. So I have to keep this fragmented multi faceted role going forward into the future.
Last night, Daniel cheered my soul with his laughter. So much laughter. And then he fell asleep.
Have a great day. Thank you for your continued prayers and support for us as we do our best to raise and care for this very special kid. He is so awesome.
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