I had a very nice Mother's Day. The family made me breakfast, and showered me with pampering gifts. Even Daniel made homemade Lavender Body Scrub at school for his Mommy. I spend so much time engrossed in thought. Thought about Sarah and her future and all of the things she needs me to do. Thoughts about Thomas and his activities and how to best enhance his young 11 year old world. But Daniel is on another level all together.
Daniel requires around the clock attention. And now, he is under close supervision of doctors because his bones have been found to be demineralized and they are treating him with calcium and phosphorus to strengthen his bones.
His spinal fusion surgery needs to be done. But can't be done...until Fall... which means a summer of trying to make this very curved boy comfortable.
I'm budgeting, managing, cleaning, calling, emailing, reading, organizing, and DRIVING places all week long. My health is suffering too right now....but I find that I can't pull myself out of the depression long enough to motivate myself to care about myself. There are simply too many people who rely on me.
Which makes it a form of irony....because if I don't take care of me...who will?? My Mother's Day gift to myself is to try...to really try... to focus on becoming healthier. Despite the criticism, skepticism, and calculated pain... I have to look the other way and realized that I am important. That I matter to my children....and it's time to teach them how to care. By caring for myself.
What a concept. Most Mother's of disabled kids can probably relate to my world...to my loneliness, to my feelings of being a person who has lost themselves completely.
Its not so easy to find yourself again when the negative world stomps on your dreams. But it is possible to take baby steps towards the direction of your dreams...while still being the best Mom you can be to your children.
Even taking the five minutes to blog today.... made me feel like I've patted myself on the back.
Now ....back to the hardcore reality which is Daniel's medical issues!
I hope all the Mom's that read this post....had a Happy Mother's Day!!! There is no greater gift than to be a Mom.
Julie
5/14/12
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