Vertigo

Currently waiting to hear back from the surgeon regarding the date of Daniel's much anticipated spinal fusion surgery.  Not surprisingly, right after the meeting with the surgeon I felt tremendous stress and anxiety. I'm terrified, because its their job to lay it on the line... here are the risks...  1.) We could lose him.   OK...that's enough for me.  You got me scared. But alternatively, if we don't do the surgery, his lifespan will be shortened. OK. now what choice do I have?  Let's put it into God's hands and keep praying.

Right now I'm suffering from what, apparently, is called "Vertigo"...and I am so dizzy I can't function like a normal human for a few days.  I feel like someone just spun me in a thousand circles....the room spins....and I end up feeling nauseous.  Worrying.  Wondering.  

So many needs.  So many pressures....  my world is spinning....literally.   The kindness of others and the support of community has kept my hopes high that this too shall pass.  There will come a day again when things make sense and there is time for relaxing.   I had a dream last night that we were in Florida....at Lovers Key...collecting shells along the shore....warm sun and nothing else but the smell of the ocean and the sand in our toes.

We have a place to go, a wonderful place...a family member has a wonderful condo and her generous heart lets us use it.  IF we can get there.  And I just wish there was a way to get Daniel down there for one last trip before his surgery.  One last trip to swim and laugh in the warm Florida water.  One last escape from the reality of ALL the crazy pressure that has started to degenerate my health.  Warm sun and just "whatever"....  

Maybe a miracle will happen.  Maybe somehow we will find a way to get down there with Daniel....  Maybe then we will be more emotionally ready to face the risks of this very tricky surgery.

As I sit here in my state of vertigo and feelings of motion sickness....I can't help but wish that they were real motion sickness...on a plane...headed for Fort Myers Airport.